Its not always this way.
Somedays still really fucking suck.
(like when I bust the heel of my brand new shoes while going a lil wild in Nashville shhhh.)
Though as time passes, somehow, it all hurts less and less and then other things hurt. I can barely remember how it felt when I used to feel like I would die and I knew I would never feel better. Somewhere along the road God gave me the gift of turning my mistakes and a very abusive and twisted relationship into fuel. This fuel launches me forward. Last year I was like a bottle rocket, unable to slow down, moving forward with speed and leaving a trail of glitter. I launched my business, quit my job at the florist and well, I never looked back. (okay sometimes I look back but I only give myself a second then I put my blinders back on)
Out of extreme pain I managed to move forward with my life, and if I do say so my self... moved forward gracefully. Constantly reminding myself that no good would come from physically hurting the Former.
No good would come from asking friends to choose sides after the split. No good would come from laying in bed, from feeling sorry for myself and no good would come from regrets.
The good in my life comes from learning from my past, excepting my past, excepting me, loving myself for the first time in my life and recognizing my value and my voice.
Yes.
That's right.
You are valuable.
You have voice.
Better yet your voice is important.
If I could tell you anything, if I could tell old me (my therapist calls this Jaime January 2011) anything, I would tell myself that I am valuable and I have voice. To say it, even now, shakes my world.
Where did I learn otherwise?
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