FULL STEAM AHEAD>>>

Its not always this way. 

Somedays still really fucking suck.

(like when I bust the heel of my brand new shoes while going a lil wild in Nashville shhhh.)

Though as time passes, somehow, it all hurts less and less and then other things hurt. I can barely remember how it felt when I used to feel like I would die and I knew I would never feel better. Somewhere along the road God gave me the gift of turning my mistakes and a very abusive and twisted relationship into fuel. This fuel launches me forward. Last year I was like a bottle rocket, unable to slow down, moving forward with speed and leaving a trail of glitter.  I launched my business, quit my job at the florist and well, I never looked back. (okay sometimes I look back but I only give myself a second then I put my blinders back on)

Out of extreme pain I managed to move forward with my life, and if I do say so my self... moved forward gracefully. Constantly reminding myself that no good would come from physically hurting the Former.

 No good would come from asking friends to choose sides after the split. No good would come from laying in bed, from feeling sorry for myself and no good would come from regrets.

 The good in my life comes from learning from my past, excepting my past, excepting me, loving myself for the first time in my life and recognizing my value and my voice.

Yes.
That's right.

You are valuable.

You have voice.

Better yet your voice is important.

If I could tell you anything, if I could tell old me (my therapist calls this Jaime January 2011) anything, I would tell myself that I am valuable and I have voice. To say it, even now, shakes my world.

Where did I learn otherwise?

26 before 27. >>> #1

1) business blog up and running

It has only taken me since October... but its finally up! I originally bought the hosting and template back at the beginning of October, I used the blog for a few weeks and then changed the domain. While changing the domain I really botched things up and lost the poor dude in cyber space! Then I got busy and extremely distracted.

It really is amazing what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it. Sit down. Give it my full attention.

What was once extremely over whelming and confusing is now a beautiful marketing tool and creative outlet. With this new business blog I hope to share my work, bits and pieces of my personal life (nothing like on here), to feature mostly photography but possibly a few lifestyle pieces also. 

I want it to be a place where people check in to see whats new. 

So cheers! To 1 of 26 goals completed. Its been a good year so far and I am eager to see what the rest of it holds.

"Show me some of that genetic moxie," he said.

When he said it I was instantly infuriated.
Livid.
Then I realized I actually had no idea what it meant.

 mox·ie   [mok-see] 

1. vigor; verve; pep. 

2. courage and aggressiveness; nerve. 

3. skill; know-how. 

 Its true, I have a genetic moxie. Its the part of me I am most proud of, the thing that was so crippled for so long. Though this path I am cutting out from the brush is consistently tangled and messy, I am learning to enjoy it.

The eb and the flow. The good and really fucking bad.

 I feel like I am holding back a secret. Like I know an answer that someone is looking for. I hold the key. I am the treasure at the end of the rainbow. I am very careful and calculated not to unleash it on just anyone. It must be just the right person.