The truth is...

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.
Albert Ellis

Dear Former,

love,

Jaime

Just to brag.

Even thought this is not a business blog I can not help but share some of the shots from a maternity shoot this weekend. My sister styled the shoot for her friend Katie, we had Jenna's great taste and clothes, a beautiful park to shoot in and very pleasant weather.

Another step forward... well sorta.

I GOT MY NEW BUSINESS CARDS TODAY>

I ordered them last Saturday and then this past friday they shipped out from Hong Kong. I have been checking in on their travels all weekend... and this morning after I made coffee, the house started to smell funny. In the middle of the search Casey and I opened up the doors, since the smell seemed to be unsafe. Right then the FedEx truck pulled up and I RAN>>> out to the curb screaming.

They are beautiful, but soon we found out there was a typo in the email address. boo. While Casey was re-ordering the cards, I figured out the smell was coming from the motor in the fridge. It was burning up and smelt like smoldering sulfur and rotten eggs.

It was a really awful stink. I was worried that it was making us sick but at-least the front of my new cards were beautiful!

We un-plugged the fridge and left the dog out in the yard and headed out to Casey's family's home so that he head back to ATL >>so so sad. Wouldn't you know it... I had a flat tire. It is in moments like these I really let go. It is as if at the point when everything is upsetting, that is when suddenly nothing bothers me at all.

Plus I had my business cards.

We drove up to the gas station on the flat, got a can of FIX-A-FLAT and my tire was good as new!

This evening a good friend Heidi and I sat on the porch and had a few drinks, we then ate some veggie chips and I made a pot of mint tea with honey, which then turned into two pots... Life seems to be filled with so many bumps that they just seem normal now. I suppose the bumps are all close enough I can just roll over them all with out dropping in between to feel how big they are.

Time for a change!

This is my new website!

OurAmpersandPhoto.com

and on Facebook

Our Ampersand Photography

It is all about the transition, the change, and a constant reminder that life goes on. There are moments when I almost wish it didn't. I would prefer to lay in bed feeling like a nothing, just feeling sorry for myself and how the world tricked me. However in reality... the show does go on.

TIME TO CHANGE THE CHANEL!

I don't think it is going to be soon since, well, I haven't even filed for a divorce, but I will someday be changing my name back to Jaime Leah Smialek.

I think it might not be as taboo as I make it out to be but I feel like I wear a scarlet letter. I figured if my business didn't have my name all over it, then it would go a little less notice when I make the transition back to my maiden name.

SOOOOOOOOO check it out. Let me know what you think about the new site!

Home Sweet Home

A wooden box on a busy street in St. Elmo, Chattanooga, Tennessee. It has a white picket fence, a small yard, rose bushes, and cozy front porch, a spacious and welcoming living room with a fire place. The back deck will harbor our sleepless nights and long conversation, while the basement hides all the belongings of another life, I used to live. My room perfect with 3 mattress stacked for the optimum amount of sink into bed. My desk was found on the side of the road by a friend and fits great between the bed and shoe shelf.

This little house is where I live and where I am rebuilding my life. Everyday I am learning more and more about life and how to live it. How to get out of bed each more with an optimistic spirit and to love people.

This is my home.

TWO QUESTIONS>>>

While spending time a with a friend in ATL, I suddenly realized that I was asking myself 2 different questions as one. I think it is important to separate them...

Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

I am...

-broken

-ruined

-hurt

-hurtful

-a mess

-emotional

- sad

- lonely

But the beautiful thing about this life and my recent "Get Out of Jail Free Card" is that I can be who I want to be. Also that who I am is SO much more than just what I feel I am. Even though I don't feel this way most of the time I am also...

-brave

-strong

-resourceful

-beautiful

-intelligent

-creative

-loving

My therapist informed me last night that I have possessed all of these qualities this whole time, even though I don't feel like it. Six months ago and today.

While visiting Casey in ATL we visited his new campus, Savannah College of Art and Design, I couldn't help but to be insanely jealous and at the same time, so happy for him. This was my dream school once upon a time in high school, but for so long I felt guilty and wrong for wanting the education I got. The Former would connivence me to drop out every semester... I would wait until the first week of classes was over, panic, and then re- enroll. Education is valuable to me. While walking around SCAD my mind was blown and I realized nothing was holding me back! I could have that experience if I wanted it... no one is stopping me, except me.

A terrible but treasurable cell phone pic of Case and I.