Two things really.

FIRST >>>

I finally found an oxford I like. They are so soft, really they feel more like a ballet flat. They are pure heaven, I have shot 2 weddings in them and my feet felt better at the end of the day than when wearing any other shoe. Also I look like I am up with trends even though it about kills me to wear a men's shoes. Its a love hate relationship... until you look at the price of just under $30 and then its ALLLL love!

SECOND >>>

Who out there knew about Al-Anon and failed to mention this to me?

I went to a meeting today with a friend, not knowing what I was walking into, I was invited last minute and thought I was there to support her. OH NO< Shit hit the fan, inside of me.

Please explain to me in the last 7 months of therapy, blogging, sleepless nights, balling my eyes out, reading self help books, and desperately trying to mourn and understand my dead marriage no one ever mention that the Former's drinking problem could have played into things.

The Former was a self proclaimed alcoholic and always made it out to be a joke, like 'oh he is just different', 'its not a problem, it is just the way he is'. I bought it, I loved him, I often tried to talk to him about it, or even make it a challenge to take a day off from drinking, but I always got the same response. I spent years trying to remedy a depression, a depression that was never associated with his drinking. I jumped through hoops, I forced my self to buy into his disillusionment, I covered for him, I made life work, I made it okay, I never let anyone know that I wasn't okay with it, I tried to drink too, I took on more and more responsibility and desperately tried to convinience myself that it was fine.

I am an enabler.

I enabled my Former to lead the life he did.

I don't know much about Al-Anon, I spent an hour with complete strangers today and I don't think I have ever felt like any one group of people have understood me more.